Whose rules do you follow?

Whilst watching the film “Water for Elephants”, which I can thoroughly recommend, a line in the dialogue between August, the hard-nosed Circus owner, and Jacob, the young vet, stuck in my mind. It was one of those enjoyable exchanges of words and wit, during which August realises that young Jacob has more about him than the majority of his employees. August said something like this:

“The rules of the world that these suckers follow don’t apply to people like you and me.”

Although this sounds rather arrogant, it has a truth behind it. Our lives are governed by many rules, some of which are external whilst others are self-inflicted. As our self-awareness expands, we start to see which rules make sense in our lives and which ones do not. Some rules are essential for maintaining harmonious human relationships but others restrict our growth. When we begin to understand that the only rules that truly hold us back are internal, it changes our future forever.

Whose rules are you following?

The Champion’s mindset

In the UK news, there have been many interviews with first time jobseekers and casualties of redundancies who are desperately searching for employment. It is extremely sad to hear of their struggle but what is worse is the feeling of resignation in some of their voices – there is almost an expectation of failure.

As the Journalist and Writer Isaac Singer once wrote, “If you keep on saying things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of being a prophet.”

I once interviewed the Chairman of a successful media company, who told me that when he began his career he sent 110 job applications only to receive 110 rejection letters. What kept him going, he said, was the unshakable belief that success was just around the corner.

The power of the ‘Champion’s mindset’ is that not only does it positively affect your own performance it also extends to those who come into contact with you.

Think like a champion and you will be and act like a champion.

The power of projection

A couple of weeks ago, I picked up a bug that floored me for almost four days. It left me feeling completely lacking energy and motivation. When I began to feel better at the start of the week, I went to my regular Tuesday night spinning class. Ten minutes into the session, I soon realized that my recovery was a bit premature! As I pushed down on the pedals I had nothing in the tank. Instead of leaving the class, always a tough thing to do and possibly the most sensible option, I decided to continue but to keep the resistance really low.

During the last 5 minutes of the class, Peter, the smiling assassin of a teacher, asked us to ‘spin’ as fast as we could and then add 10 more revolutions per minute for the final sprint. At that point, my mind and body were saturated with fatigue and I was struggling to turn the pedals at all let alone speed up. It was then that I noticed a spec of dirt on the floor in front of my bike. As I focused on this spec, I noticed how I was becoming less aware of my lethargy. Encouraged by this, I then decided to try to ‘project’ my mind into this spec, to separate my mind from the pain in my legs. I imagined that my mind was that spec of dirt, leaving my legs to continue their exercise without being connected to my thoughts.

And the result?

I added 10 more rpm than were required without any extra effort.

So, what’s the point of this tale? Well, it is evidence of how powerful our mind is and how we have the ability to manipulate it to help us achieve whatever we set it. As a caveat, there needs to be some caution when going through physical  ‘pain’ but the ability to push through mental obstacles by changing what we choose to focus our awareness on, to combat a lack of motivation or a fear of failure for example, can be hugely valuable.

How liking marmite might be the secret to your success…

Let me ask you a question and I want an honest answer. Ready? “Do you like marmite?” Actually, I am jumping ahead of myself, let me ask a different question. What do you truly think you are capable of?”

What was your answer?

If your answer wasn’t “anything I put my mind to” why not? And if it was, do you really believe it and I mean deep, deep down in your soul? Come on, be honest…

I promise you, the day that you really get the simplicity of this and stop fighting with yourself is when life takes on a brand spanking new perspective. Yep…I can hear some of your responses to this comment, “life coaching fluff”, “spiritual claptrap without any evidence” you might be muttering under your breath. I can take it on the chin…only because I have said the very same words.

Ok, I admit they are valid comments so let me explain my viewpoint. This list is not exhaustive:

• No neuroscientist has yet found a ‘limit’ to what the brain can achieve.
• There is irrefutable evidence of brain plasticity – as in the brain being able to ‘re-wire’ itself to adapt to new environments and situations.
• Nearly every successful person has shared one common trait. It’s not talent but incredibly high levels of self-belief.
• High performance in elite sport is all about increasing athletes’ belief in their own potential.
• It is the only belief that actually encourages and even forces you to perform at a higher level that you ever thought possible.
• Ok, here is the biggie (and the one most likely to be the ‘marmite’ statement). Whatever your religious or scientific beliefs, the majority of you will hopefully agree that if the Universe was created from one source, everything within it is therefore born out of that same source and this includes you and me. If we believe in the infinite power of the Universe to create then there is a strong logic to believing that we also have access to that same power. It isn’t the Universe and ‘us’, we are actually one and the same.

Does thinking and acting in this manner mean that you will never experience failure? No! Does this mean that you will always achieve your dreams according to plan and in the timescales that you set? No! Is it a belief that gives you the confidence to dream and to take action on those dreams? Yes, Yes and Yes!

So, have I mastered this way of thinking? Of course not! I battle with it nearly every day and I have periods when I return to my old way of thinking where some people are destined for success and others not but I can’t stay there for long. I keep returning to what drives me as a human being, and that is this desire to dream, to create and to live life to the fullest, and the reasons listed above are the only ones that allow me to do this without self-imposed limitations.

So, back to marmite. If you don’t like it, maybe the above may encourage you to give it another try…

Building rapport the natural way…

There have been countless books written about influencing and rapport building strategies, many of which have been the result of years of psychological research. As someone who is a qualified NLP Practitioner (‘neuro-linguistic programming’ which is an approach to how language and feelings affect our outcomes), I have seen how effective these strategies can be. But…if I may start a sentence with a very NLP unfriendly word…I have always felt that if we look at these strategies in isolation we can become rather mechanical in our interactions with people.

When two people have developed a good connection with each other they will often display similar mannerisms and intonation during conversation. Now, is it purely the ‘mirroring’ of this body language that builds this rapport or is it something else? I would argue that it is the intention behind the mirroring that is most important and this is something that is extremely hard to fake or manufacture.

If your intention is to listen with an open mind, to listen in order to learn about the person speaking with you and to listen without planning your next sentence then you will find that building rapport will come easily to you. Being a great listener is something we should all aspire to be.

An injection of love and passion

Most monday mornings I like to head to my local coffee shop, McKechnies, to carry out my weekly email admin. I was drawn to the place because it is an independent but that is not what keeps me coming back. Clearly the coffee is great but that is still not the reason. The magnet that draws me in every week is the love and passion for what they do. Every cup, every bacon sandwich, (an occasional treat…), and every customer interaction is infused with care and attention and a desire to give the best.

A simple business model really – love the work you do, be the best that you can and value your customers.

“To be or not to be an entrepreneur?”

Yesterday, I had an extremely enjoyable and worthwhile conversation with the ‘ever energetic’ Lucy Whittington from “Being a Business Celebrity”(www.beingabusinesscelebrity.com) – a Marketing Consultancy that helps businesses stand out from the crowd. We were talking about “nailing your thing” (I assure you that this relates to business), this is Lucy’s (healthy) obsession and area of expertise, and she said how you don’t have to be your own boss to shine. You can still be great at what you do whilst working with/for someone else. When she said this, I thought “she is spot on!”

The thing is, I have attended many personal development and wealth creation events where the idea of a ‘job’ is described as being like a betrayal of your own potential. It may be the case that the majority of the world’s wealthiest individuals own their own companies but this is not to say that this is everyone’s path. ‘Personal development’ should be focused on discovering what is right for you, and if that means being a foot soldier instead of a General then you go out there and be the best foot soldier you can possibly be!

I have seen too many people feel confused, downhearted and inferior by philosophies that cause them to belittle their own instincts.

Aspiration makes the soul sing but so does being true to yourself.