The promise of tomorrow

This morning I received some extremely sobering news. Earlier this week, someone I know took their own life. My heart goes out to his family and closest friends. This tragic decision is made even more heart-wrenching by it being taken so close to Christmas – a time that is supposed to be about togetherness and celebration. The fact is that for this very reason, for many, this time of the year can also heighten feelings of loneliness and despair.

We live in a world of opposites. Where there is happiness there is also the possibility of sorrow. Thankfully, because the two are sides of the same coin we also know that the more positive emotion is always present if we seek it out.

No-one truly knows what another person is thinking and feeling and in the majority of cases we assume too much and understand too little. Therefore, if the news from earlier today can have a positive impact, let it cause all of us to be even more grateful for the relationships we have with our friends and family. Let it make us appreciate that all our lives, even the lives of people we have never even met, are connected. We do not live in isolation, even if at times it can seem that way. If we reach out we will find them.

And finally, let it cause us to value the blessing of being able to wake up to a new day. A day that brings new possibilities. A day that presents us with opportunities to shape another person’s experience. We might never know the impact of a kind word, a wave or a smile to a stranger.

Haul up the Anchor

Yesterday, I caught the end of an interview with a female playwright who had built a successful career from extremely humble beginnings. She said that as a child she always had this feeling of wanting to be ‘released’ into the world, that there was something she wanted to express but the conditions she was experiencing wouldn’t allow her to. She eventually found this through writing and her commitment to her craft resulted in success. What most upset her was seeing others with the same desire but not being able to find a way of expressing it.

Sometimes it is confusion that holds us back. Sometimes it is fear or a fusion of the two. What is true is that we rarely figure it out by spending hours thinking about it, clarity comes out of doing. For much of my life I have battled with the concept that something has to be ‘perfect’ before it can be shown. The irony is that the feedback from the people around us helps us to make something better. We need to know what the faults are before we can work on improvements.

When are you going to show your talents to the world?

Should people catch it or drop it?

Last night, on BBC Radio 5 Live, there was a discussion about ‘Pressure in Elite Sport’. The panel was talking about the psychological pressure that the Australian cricket side of the late 90s and early 2000s used to inflict on the opposition. Matthew Hayden, the former Australian left hander, said that much of that was possible because of the amazing team spirit and positive energy within the squad.

He then used a phrase, a mantra amongst the players, which immediately stuck in my mind.

“Is your attitude worth catching?”

Like many phrases from an Australian, it’s straight to the point!

So…is yours?

The common thought process…

1. Start day dreaming and think of a great idea…
2. Get lost in the idea and start to imagine the wonderful things that it will bring you…
3. Suddenly start to feel foolish…
4. Begin thinking of all the reasons why it won’t work and why you are not the right person to make it happen…
5. Start thinking of more ‘sensible’ and ‘realistic’ idea…
6. Dismiss the idea.
7. The idea dies…

Does this sound familiar?

Give the idea a chance. Give it some life. Give it the opportunity to grow into an even bigger and better idea. Let others work with you on the idea to create something like-changing.

Please don’t kill it. Please don’t do that to the idea and please don’t do it to yourself.

Are you the first on the dance floor?

Over the weekend, I headed down to Cornwall for a couple of days of surfing with some friends. On the Saturday night we all met for dinner at the pub and replaced our expended energy stores whilst listening to a live band. Now, I am sure all of you have been to a music event where everybody is nodding their heads and tapping their feet but no-one is prepared to be the first on the dance floor. You know, like those early school discos with the boys on one side of the room and the girls on the other before one pioneer is brave enough to cross no man’s land. Well, this was just like that until one guy stepped out of the shadows and, in front of a packed pub, owned the dance floor!

He puffed his chest out, flailed his arms about like a threshing machine and played a variety of different ‘air guitars’ whilst gurning enthusiastically. Now, at first, he was a figure of fun with the majority of people pointing and laughing. When it became clear that he couldn’t give a toss for what we all thought, an interesting thing happened. Other blokes joined him. Not only did they join him, they tried to copy him as well as trying to invent even more outrageous moves themselves. Within the space of one “Jam” song, those on the dance floor were the ‘cool’ ones and the majority still sitting in their seats were the jerks.

Some of you may have seen the You Tube footage of the guy who single-handedly starts a group ‘dance off’ at a music festival (if you haven’t, here’s the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GA8z7f7a2Pk). Watch the footage right to the end and listen out for the woman who exclaims “How did he do that?!”

Like the guy in this video, here was a man not afraid to express himself, not afraid to be the first. Other people saw his unabashed enthusiasm and wanted to be a part of it. When the rest of the group saw that it was ‘ok’ to join in, this started a chain reaction for others to follow.

How many times do we hold ourselves back, fearing people’s reactions to our ideas and actions? We have all done it but seeing the joy on the face of the guy in the Cornish pub and the music festival man and I bet nothing beats the feeling of being first on the dance floor.

“Winners take Imperfect Action while Losers are still creating Perfect Plans”

This quote, from the Marketing expert Kevin Nations, encapsulates why so many people hold themselves back from achieving their ambitions. Does it resonate with you? It certainly does with me! We can focus so much time and effort on trying to make the ‘right’ decisions that we can fall into the trap of failing to take any actions at all. I tend to think that, if there is a cliché, there is probably some truth behind it. “There’s never a perfect time to have a baby”, this is another phrase commonly used that hits on the same issue. If we are ever going to move towards our goals, we need to grasp the nettle. In almost all cases, any decision is the right decision, and what we encounter after making that decision will give clarity on the next steps that need to be taken.

Finding your voice

It is funny how themes enter your life. During these times, it seems as if every book you read, every programme watched on TV and every conversation entered into or even overheard, appears to speak to you about this theme. Lately, the theme for me has been authenticity. I can’t seem to escape it. Perhaps my subconscious is trying to tell me something about my own authenticity.

So, why is it important to be authentic? Does it matter?

For me, authenticity is all about connection; connection with your true self and connection with everything and everybody. It is living bravely, being prepared to act and behave in a manner that will not please everyone and may even cause you some embarrassment. It is hearing someone speak passionately about their dreams, whilst also telling you about their fears. It is being naked in the truest sense, and shedding the mask and layers of protection that form barriers in our relationship with others. When this happens, you can feel the energy and see the impact authenticity has on the individual being it and on the people they come into connect with.

Let’s be brave. Let’s take a chance and free our authentic voices whilst we still have breath to do it.

Whose rules do you follow?

Whilst watching the film “Water for Elephants”, which I can thoroughly recommend, a line in the dialogue between August, the hard-nosed Circus owner, and Jacob, the young vet, stuck in my mind. It was one of those enjoyable exchanges of words and wit, during which August realises that young Jacob has more about him than the majority of his employees. August said something like this:

“The rules of the world that these suckers follow don’t apply to people like you and me.”

Although this sounds rather arrogant, it has a truth behind it. Our lives are governed by many rules, some of which are external whilst others are self-inflicted. As our self-awareness expands, we start to see which rules make sense in our lives and which ones do not. Some rules are essential for maintaining harmonious human relationships but others restrict our growth. When we begin to understand that the only rules that truly hold us back are internal, it changes our future forever.

Whose rules are you following?

The Champion’s mindset

In the UK news, there have been many interviews with first time jobseekers and casualties of redundancies who are desperately searching for employment. It is extremely sad to hear of their struggle but what is worse is the feeling of resignation in some of their voices – there is almost an expectation of failure.

As the Journalist and Writer Isaac Singer once wrote, “If you keep on saying things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of being a prophet.”

I once interviewed the Chairman of a successful media company, who told me that when he began his career he sent 110 job applications only to receive 110 rejection letters. What kept him going, he said, was the unshakable belief that success was just around the corner.

The power of the ‘Champion’s mindset’ is that not only does it positively affect your own performance it also extends to those who come into contact with you.

Think like a champion and you will be and act like a champion.

The power of projection

A couple of weeks ago, I picked up a bug that floored me for almost four days. It left me feeling completely lacking energy and motivation. When I began to feel better at the start of the week, I went to my regular Tuesday night spinning class. Ten minutes into the session, I soon realized that my recovery was a bit premature! As I pushed down on the pedals I had nothing in the tank. Instead of leaving the class, always a tough thing to do and possibly the most sensible option, I decided to continue but to keep the resistance really low.

During the last 5 minutes of the class, Peter, the smiling assassin of a teacher, asked us to ‘spin’ as fast as we could and then add 10 more revolutions per minute for the final sprint. At that point, my mind and body were saturated with fatigue and I was struggling to turn the pedals at all let alone speed up. It was then that I noticed a spec of dirt on the floor in front of my bike. As I focused on this spec, I noticed how I was becoming less aware of my lethargy. Encouraged by this, I then decided to try to ‘project’ my mind into this spec, to separate my mind from the pain in my legs. I imagined that my mind was that spec of dirt, leaving my legs to continue their exercise without being connected to my thoughts.

And the result?

I added 10 more rpm than were required without any extra effort.

So, what’s the point of this tale? Well, it is evidence of how powerful our mind is and how we have the ability to manipulate it to help us achieve whatever we set it. As a caveat, there needs to be some caution when going through physical  ‘pain’ but the ability to push through mental obstacles by changing what we choose to focus our awareness on, to combat a lack of motivation or a fear of failure for example, can be hugely valuable.